Truth or Dare Crack Edition
by LordRevanMandaloreofZutara
Summary: Reward one-shot for Khajmer. The Gaang plays a short game of Truth or Dare. But things are never normal when the author interjects himself into the story. Zutara, Tokka, and for once no Azulaang. Rated T


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Alright people. This is my very first Crack Fic. YAY!! Reward one-shot for Khajmer. I hope you enjoy. Ow, Toph is fourteen.**

* * *

**Truth or Dare, Crack Edition**

* * *

**General POV**

It was another hot, boring day at the Western Air Temple. All things were proceeding as they had for the past few weeks. Aang was being trained by Zuko, Katara was being doing all the chores (well, not all of them. Zuko took up much of Katara couldn't do. Which really made her forget her loathing for him. After all, a man who would do half the housework was a jewel worth keeping.) Sokka made plans. Suki ogled him. Toph glared (well, not glared. You know what I mean.) at Suki. Haru practiced his earthbending. And Teo and the Duke, err, well, it was not known what they were doing.

Anyway, one day everyone gathered in the central courtyard, Katara and Zuko passing out food and tea. As they eat, Haru speaks up. "It is so boring. If I had known saving the world would be this anti-climatic I would have stayed home." He grumbles, sipping his tea.

Katara, who was nearly at the end of her rope what from doing half the chores, and beating off Aang's advances with a stick (she was literally doing that), raised an eyebrow and gave him a glare. "Well, if you are so bored, I have a tiny little list of things that you could help me with. Might give some hope to the dying Katarus out there."

Haru shakes his head and lays back. "Naww. I am so over you. I think I would like to be dominated. And you're just not enough of a dominatrix. Maybe Azula would like a new boy-toy." (Tribute to Vicki So and In The Family Way.)

Suddenly, a cluster of fireflies congregate above Haru's head. "I know!" He cries, sitting up fast. But before he can speak Momo jumps over his head, crashing into the congregated fireflies and tearing into them like Aang tears into bags of veggi chips.

After a minute, Momo moves away from the kill zone and slumps down. "Okaaay." Haru begins, moving away from the bloody mess behind him. "Now that Momo is sated, why don't we play Truth or Dare?" He asks, eyes glowing.

The air is perfectly silent as the Gaang stares at Haru. Toph is the first to speak. "You have got to be kidding me. I am not playing a game that is played at all of the girly-girls slumber party." Her sentiments were echoed all around. Even Aang, the most feminine guy there, was hesitant about playing Truth or Dare.

But Haru was not deterred. "Ow, come on guys. It will be fun." He pleads, putting on the puppy dog eyes.

"NO!!" The Gaang shouts at him.

Then, suddenly, a hole in the space time continuum was ripped open. Hua Ley (Me) walks through the hole dressed in the armor of Strike Freedom Gundam. He then ignites his thrusters and extends his metal wings.

"STRIKE THEM!!" He cries out as eight Dragoons (think more deadly versions of remotes that Luke Skywalker practiced with in episode Four) launch from his wings and fly through the air. After aligning themselves, they fire and all the Gaang, minus Haru, jump as the beams cause them mild pain.

"As author of this story, I command that you all play Truth and Dare. I have a debt to pay to Khajmer and I will not have her/him collect interest on this story because you all won't corporate." Hua Ley rumbled.

Toph, naturally, snorts. "Why should we listen to you?"

Hua smirks then recalls his Dragoons to surround him, unlatches his twin hip mounted railguns, aims his two beam rifles and charges his hyper impulse cannon in the middle of his chest.

"Toph, just do what he says." Sokka councils his, erh, friend.

Toph turns to him, gives him a glare then shrugs. "Ow why not?" Hua smiles and retracts his weapons. "Good. Now, I must go. I have just accepted a contract from the Zutarian Empire, the Taang Republic, and the Tokka Clan. They want Mike and Byran's heads. So, I'm off to hunt the traitors." And with that, he turns and the hole closes.

Haru, by this time, is jumping up and down. The rest look at each other then shrug. "Who knows," Katara comments, "it might be fun."

Zuko's eyes darken as a NC-17 thought flashed through his mind, mostly concerning what types of dares he would get Katara to do. Noticing his smile, Katara blinks and then blushes. Sokka, oblivious, walks over to a new spot and produces a bottle. The rest of the Gaang gathers around, but before he could spin the bottle to determine who would ask the first question, Hua appeared again. This time in Master Gundam Armor. (My next big fic is going to be a Gundam Seed/Avatar fic. I just love Gundams)

"Ow, and The Duke and Teo are too young for this fic, so I'll take them now. Bye." He says before whisking The Duke and Teo out of the story.

Sokka sighs and spins the bottle. It soon lands on Haru. "Alright, we're playing Russian Truth or Dare. So the bottle of vodka will determine who gets to ask the first question. Since it landed on Haru, you get to ask the first question. The person you pick will then answer and pick someone else beside you. But that third person can pick you. Everything else is standard. Any questions?" Sokka asks. A cricket chirps. Momo jumps up and eats it.

"All right. Haru, who is the first victim?" Sokka asks.

Haru smiles and turns to Aang. "Aang. Truth, or Dare?"

Aang gulps, and adopts the deer caught in the headlights look for few seconds before focusing. "Dare." He says.

Haru smirks then takes away Aang's corn on the cob. "I dare you to be a total meat eater for the rest of your life."

Everyone sucks in air. Monks couldn't eat meat. It was so wrong. They all wait for Aang to explode. But he merely shrugs. "The monks were idiots. They could not have families, so I am just going to abandon them and their beliefs." He then reached for some lemon custard, but Haru grabs it. "Hey! What are you doing?!" Aang cries out.

Haru's smirk grows. "You have to be a total meat eater. You can only eat meat. So no more lemon custard. Forever." He ends, with dramatic lighting crashing down in the canyon.

Aang looks horrified for a few second before his face contorts into a mask of pain and rage. The wind picks up and his tattoos begin to glow. "NOOOOOOOO!!" He screams as he flies straight up, his throat magically taking the shape of the word lemon custard.

When he vanished from sight everyone looked back down at each other. "Now what?" Toph asks.

Sokka shrugs. "I guess Haru goes again."

Haru smiles and turns to Sokka. "Truth or Dare."

A massive sweat drop appears on Sokka's head and the Gaang could literally hear his thoughts. _'I can't live without meat. And Haru is turning out to be a sadistic SOB. Best go with truth.'_

"Truth." He answers, a bit shakily.

"So, who do you love more?" Haru begins. "Suki, or Toph."

Suki turns to Sokka, smiling, sure of the answer. Toph just slumps over. _'Here it comes. Where my dreams are crushed.'_ She thinks, reaching for the still full bottle of vodka.

Sokka glances back between the two, his heart pounding as the answer comes to mind. _'Please protect me from the vengeful reject.'_ Sokka prays to Yue.

"So, who is it?" Haru presses.

"TOPH!!" Sokka cries. Suki's jaw drops, and Toph jumps up, throwing the bottle over the cliff.

"YES!!" She cries before jumping onto Sokka and beginning to make out with him. Then, deciding that she did not want all to see, she covered them in a rock tent and closed the door.

As animalistic sounds made their way out of the tent, the Gaang turn and look at Suki. "Owwwww." They all echo. Another gate opens up and Michael Kelso runs up to Suki.

"Burn!" He cries before running back to the world of That 70's Show.

When the portal vanishes, Suki stands up and goes to her room. Five minutes later she returns with a camcorder and a laptop. Using her fans she cuts a hole in the rock and starts recording.

"Umm, what are you doing?" Katara ask, as Suki types on her computer.

"Making the most of a defeat." Suki say shortly.

Zuko rolls his eyes. "And just how are you doing that?"

Still typing, Suki replies. "I am taping all of their smut, and selling it on the internet. It's only been a few minutes and already I have made 534,383 dollars. Tokka fans really want to see this." Zuko nods and take the opportunity to scoot closer to Katara.

After a few minutes, Toph and Sokka emerge, all cloths still on, smiles on their faces. Suki hides the camera and laptop which is now up to 1,283,385,373 dollars.

"Okay, now that we have had implications of Tokka smut, it's your turn Sokka." Haru comments.

Sokka, still smiling, turns and sees Katara with Zuko. The smile vanishes, then is replaced by a malicious grin. Zuko gulps.

"Zuko. Truth or dare?" Sokka asks.

"Dare." Zuko replies instantly.

"I dare you, to drink two gallons of cactus juice." Sokka says, leaning back. _'This will teach that firebender to get close to my sister. He will be so deep into a high that he will probably walk off the cliff.'_

Toph, however, slaps her hand to her forehead. "Snoozles, don't you know what cactus juice does to firebenders?"

Sokka turns to her, surprise on his face as Zuko begins to chug the juice down.

"What does it do?"

"It makes them horny." Sokka grows pale as Katara smirks at him. Zuko then finished the juice and all became quit for a minute. Then Zuko stood and spouted fire out of his mouth.

"To those who are ignorant of Fire Nation mating rituals, that is how high ranking firebenders attract mates." Toph commentates.

Zuko then turns to Katara and smirks. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." She replies, her own smirk rivaling Zuko's.

Sokka loses all color as Zuko pulls out a red and black outfit (It is Harley Quinn's outfit. The clown/jester mate of the Joker). "I dare you to do an erotic dance in this outfit for me."

Before Sokka could regain use of his limps, Toph bends the earth around his hands, feet, torse and eyes. She then proceeded to sit on his crotch and begin massaging his chest. "GO! GO! GO!" She yells at Katara and Zuko.

They give a small bow and make their way into a back room of the WAT. As they flew Haru wines. "Ow come on! Why couldn't they stay here?"

Sokka gave an inarticulate growl and Toph released one of the leg bindings, allowing him to kick a rock she had prepared at Haru. It hit him right in the temple, knocking him out.

While Haru was out, and Suki had disappeared, Toph worked on Sokka. After thirty minutes Zuko and Katara came back followed by Suki. Haru, who head is now wrapped up like a mummy, looks to Suki. "Hey, where did you go Suki?"

She blushes and sits down, face turned down. "Ow, just to the ladies' room." She lies.

A beeping sound then emanates from her computer. Everyone turns and stares at her new account number. It reads 3,397,474,948,490,398,975,428,289,467.

"Sure." Haru says, rolling his eyes. Sokka, now released from his bindings, struggles to figure out who to kill. Zuko, for daring his sister to give him an erotic dance, or Suki for videotaping them.

Fortunately for Zuko, Zuko opened his mouth and decided to complain. "I can't believe that this is only a T rated story. Why couldn't Hua make this an M?"

In response another hole opened up and they could see Hua seated on a dark throne. "Because I want my first M rated story to be better then just a crack fic."

But Zuko did not desist. "Come one Hua. There is still time to change it to an M. There are only 2050 words right now. Please. I will assign Mai to you as the Fire Nation's ambassador. I have a feeling you like her." Zuko begs.

Hua immediately ran off his throne and hurls for several minutes. When he is finished he returns to his throne and glares at Zuko. "NO! Mai will never enter my domain. Send her and I will make your life a living hell!" Hua yells.

Zuko sighs and hangs his head down in defeat.

"Ow stop moping. You just got an erotic dance from Katara, in a Harley Quinn suit. So be happy!! If you don't then I will punish you. For I control this world. Hahahaaaa. Respect the fingers!! Respect them!!"

Everyone shuffles slightly after Hau's slightly insane rant. Then Haru made the mistake of speaking too loudly. "Someone is on a power trip."

Hua turned to face Haru and Haru nearly soiled himself in fear. "You think I am on a power trip?" Hau asks calmly. At Haru's slight nod, he loses his calm and extends his arms. "Well, I AM!!" Then a giant pencil appears and flies straight to Haru.

Haru doesn't even have time to scream as the eraser attacks his face. "HAHAHAAAA!! SUFFER YOU PANSY!!" Hua screams, eyes glowing yellow from the influx of Dark Side Power.

When the eraser disappears, everyone gasps at what Hua did to Haru. Haru raises his hand to feel and lets out a girly scream when he feels what is missing. "MY MUSTACHE!!" Then he stood up and began to give a groan similar to a wounded animal.

"Wait! I have seen this before!" Hua yells as he applies paint and other special CGI effects to Haru. When he is finished, Haru is dressed as Darth Vader, strapped to the operating table, with Darth Sidious in the background. Haru lets out a louder moan, then rips the cuffs away from the table. All around him medical droids explode. Haru then steps forward and yells. **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"**

Hua laughs. "Yes! Episode 3, the very best of Star Wars. Darth Vader forever!!"

Then a evil sounding score of music is heard and Hua is surrounded in a red halo of light and mist. "HURAW!! I have achieved Dark Side Mastery! Ow happy days." Hua cries out in glee, celebrating his new found mastery by unleashing scores of Sith Lightning.

And in that instant Momo made the second mistake of the day. He spoke to loudly. "Oh what does he even know about the Dark Side? He doesn't even have a proper Sith name."

Hua stops his cheering and the rest of the Gaang ran away from Momo. Hua stares at Momo for a moment before pressing the com button. "Generals Ickicky, Dhadks, and Mr. Pink, I want fried lemur for dinner. Go capture it for me."

Another portal opens and three beings walk out. One is a furby, an evil furby. One is a Gizka, and the last is a pink Haro.

Momo stares at them before laughing. "What could those three possibly do?" He gasps, clutching his side.

The three looked at each other before turning to the sky. Each let out a piercing call and in an instant an armada of Venator, Imperial, Victory, Nebula, and Executor Class Star Destroyers appeares.

Momo stops laughing and stares up in horror as the doors opens, unleashing an army of Gizka, evil furbies and Haros.

"Ow, sh…" He starts before Mr. Pink launches itself at him. He dodges and runs. After a few minutes the hoard makes its way into the canyon and the chase is on.

When the last Haro was gone, Hau turns back to the Gaang. "Alright, now that the insolent ones have been dealt with, get on with the story! I don't have all day." Hua was preparing to close the link when he noticed the tension between the Gaang. "What is it?" He asks wearily.

"Um, it is kinda Haru." Katara explains. "We're afraid he will start force-choking us."

Hua sighs and zaps Haru, destroying the image of Darth Vader. "Happy?"

"Um, what about my mustache?"

"I'm not giving it back. You look better without it."

Haru starts crying and throws himself before the portal. "Please, oh please. Give me back my mustache. I'll do anything!"

Hua raises his eyebrows. "Anything?" He asks slowly.

Haru nods emphatically. "Yes. Anything."

Hua smiles then throws a garment to him. "Alright. After the story you will come with me and you will be wearing that."

Haru gasps when he sees the garment. It really only covered the family jewels.

This time Suki was the stupid one. "Wow, I did not know you bended that way Hua."

The air suddenly becomes colder as Suki realizes her mistake. Hua, instead of getting angry, reaches over and taps the com. "Commander, you may fire when ready."

A faceless commander nods and presses a button. Giant Hurt Ball (See Star Wars Episode 3 A lost Hope on youtube) then fired its main canyon, hitting Suki and charring her. But since this is crack she did not die, not did anyone else get hurt.

"Now would anyone else like to ask more questions about my sexuality or maybe my gender?" At the vigorous shaking heads, Hua nods turns to Haru. "Despite my personal feelings on you, many fan girls like you, and will pay a fortune to me for your services. So, you do what they want and you get you mustache. Deal?"

Haru nods and his mustache appears. "Good, now PLAY THE GAME!!" Hua yells before vanishing.

"Alright Sugerqueen. It's your turn." Toph says.

Katara looks at Suki's computer and smiles. "Suki, Truth or dare?"

Suki, who is still a bit woozing from being hit with the Giant Hurt Ball's main cannon, replies, "Dare." Comprehension then hits her when she sees Katara's smirk.

"I dare you to give all your money to Sokka, Toph, Zuko, and me and to never again work in Internet Pornography."

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"** Suki yells, after checking how much money she had gained. Which was a lot. This much: 9,456,972,327,833,397,474,948,490,398,975,428,289,467.

Suki then typed in all the receivers Bank accounts and hit enter. Her account emptied in a second and she then began to cry. Monsoon sized tears.

After twenty minutes, Suki, still crying, turns to Toph. "Truth,snif, or dare?"

Toph rolls her eyes. "Truth you crybaby."

"What,snif, is the real reason your parents, sobbing, your parents never let you out?" Suki asks, before beginning to cry again.

Toph snorts. "Ow that is easy. They were drug smugglers. They used the house as their main base and packaging center. My purpose was to make sure that none of the crackheads they employed stole from them."

With her question answered Suki cries out. "I can't take it anymore. I don't want to live!!" Before she flings herself over the edge.

After Suki left the area became really peaceful so the Gaang decided to just let her fall.

"Alright Haru, Turth or dare?" Toph asks.

"Dare." Haru replies. After all, Hua would regrow the mustache if they dared him to cut it off. And he had no money to give away.

"I dare you, to wear that outfit for the entire year." Toph spoke.

Haru's eyes widen then he hit the ground with his head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid." He mutters before butting it on. But since Suki killed herself there was no unattached woman to admire the view. Well, until Hua opened a portal to Earth and began making money off of Haru just sitting there.

"I just want to die." Haru mutters as he hears the entire Earth Sphere laughing at him.

"Well, that is everyone." Zuko says. Then Aang appeared, carrying Suki.

"I caught her on the way up. Hey, why is Haru dressed like a Female Exile when she goes to see Vogga the Hut on Nar Shaddaa in Kotor II The Sith Lords?"

"Don't ask." Everyone replies.

Aang shrugs and throws Suki off to one side. "So, it is my turn. And since I can't eat lemon custard, you're up Haru. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Okay. So how much of GanXingba's Avatar the Abridged Series Episode 3 is true."

Haru rolls his eyes and starts speaking in a Spanish accent. "There is no truth to that episode whatsoever. But I would not expect you people to understand. After all, you are only normies. While I, I am Beautiful. So now that I have answered your question, I must flee, sexily."

But before Haru could flee, Zuko hit him over the head with his Dao swords. "My word. He is so annoying."

Sokka and Katara nod. "Yes. We must make him pay for calling us normies. We are both beautiful. After all we can be paired with anyone. (AN: I mean come on. Sokka and Katara can and are paired with anyone and anything. About the only thing I have not seen is KataraxAppa or KataraxMomo. Though I have seen KataraxNayla. Yeah, it is weird.)"

Toph nods and bends them down into the mad scientist laboratory of the WAT. When they get down there, they find it is in use. "Hey, Mad Scientist, get yourself and that sheep out of here." Toph yells.

"ARRH! I have told everyone, I am not Mad! I am Angry! I am an Angry Scientist!" Angry Scientist yells.

"Yeah, and I love Mai."Zuko quips, before kicking him out of the lab. Then he and the Gaang put on white lab coats and goggles.

"So, how are we going to make Haru pay?" Sokka asks.

Zuko adopts a grave tone. "We have the technology. To take the most sexy man alive and make him ugly."

Sokka and Katara both gape at him. "How can we do that? Haru is the most sexy person in the universe. He beats all the James Bond actors, and any other Most Sexy man of the year. There are no words to describe how sexy he is. Even the word Sexyfine is not adequate to describe just how good he looks." Katara rambled.

"Even so, we have the technology. Thanks to Tyra Bank's obsession with America's Next Top Model."

"Zuko, have you gone daft? That show is about getting beautiful women." Sokka shoots back.

"Yes. But in their quest for physical perfection they have research how people get ugly. They have found a way to make people ugly. And I stole the information. We have the technology. All we need is a steady hand to do the cutting." He then grabs a scalpel and hands it to Toph. "Would you do the honors?"

A malevolent grin crosses her face as she takes the scalpel. "Sure." An hour later their work was done.

"Hey, Mercurymon, could you come in here?" Toph calls out. A figure opens the door and gazes at Haru. "AHAHAAAA!!" He cries as the mirrors that make up his body broke. The Gaang laughs and puts a towel over Haru's face. Mercurymon then reassembles himself. After that he flips them the finger, says some unsavory things about their ancestors and storms out.

This causes them to feel bad and they reconstruct Haru's face, but not before earning the ire of all the Haru Fan girls, who were plotting to kill them.

After a few more hours Hua came back. "Now, this fic is done and I have a reward for you all." He announces.

Zuko perks up. "You're pumping this up to M."

"No." Hua answers. Zuko slumps. "I am bypassing regular Fanfiction and taking this to AdultFanFiction."

Zuko's eyes glisten as a disco ball appears and all manners of drinks, foods, drugs and other vices pour into the WAT. "Now, go have fun." Hua cries out. The Gaang bows and rushes into to enjoy orgies, alcohol and whatever else wild party have. Only Haru and The Duke were held back.

"The Duke, I need you to be the responsible one here." Hua commands him. The Duke nods and is instantly outfitted with purple robes. "There are only two rules. No killing and Aang can't eat lemon custard."

"HEY!!" Aang yells from some corner, watching Meng and On Ji fight over him.

"SHUT UP AANG!! JUST ENJOY THE DEBATURY!!" Hua shouts back.

The Duke nods and goes off to monitor his friends. "Now, as for you." Hua turns to Haru and Haru flinches. "You have a debt to pay, Jaru Swallow!" Hua yells at him, his face the same as Davy Jones.

"Help me." Haru pleads as Hua grabs him around the waist with a giant claw, dragging him through a portal.

* * *

**Hope you all enjoyed.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, though if I did, I would certainly make a better finale.**


End file.
